HERAN !

She drove a long way through the night
From an urban neighborhood
She left her mother in a fight
For a dream misunderstood
And her friends they talk on corners
They could never comprehend

But there was always something different
In the way she held a stare
And the pictures that she painted
Were of glamour and of flair
And her boyfriend though he loved her
Knew he couldn’t quite fulfill
He could never meet her there

She’s never gonna be like the one before
She read it in her stars that there’s something more
No matter what it takes no matter how she breaks
She’ll be the Queen of Hollywood

/queen of hollywood – the corrs/
and i am believing all of my dream, no matter what it takes, no matter how it will breaks.. rest a while but dont quit my dear…, terheran HERAN dengan semua yg ada disini, heran deh. semuanya seakan-akan seperti bumerang bertubi tubi menyerang pertahanan mental fisik pikiran, semua. capek begini terus..
sabar dan semangat aja ya sayang, ayah dan ibu serta semua keluarga di rumah tahu kok apa yg kamu lakukan dan mereka semua selalu berdoa untukmu.. just keep fighting for the good sake of your self, anyway, ayo sekarang mandi dulu..!!! ayooooooo KULIAH…!!! smileee, schatjee… you can do this … !!!
ya Allah ya Rabbi, kulo nyuwun sabar ingkang kathah.. amin..

dusseldorf

this was dusseldorf, late february 2009 around 5 pm in the afternoon. the city was so empty because everybody tends to walk or using the tram or the bus. the cars were parked along the way and this is the thing that i will miss when i’m back to indonesia. fresh air, good public transportation, and people tend to think twice just to buy a car (the tax, the price were that high), nederlanders seems choose bike, but in germany there were not a lot people riding their bike, but still, they WALK…! i was going to one of the mall in the town, not so much people there, that was saturday, and (seems) they’re not into the mall, instead of loving the markt (aka. pasar, buat bela beli sayur, telor, dkk. at least that’s what i’m doing – niru kebiasaan orang sini).

somewhere @ dusseldorf around 5 pm

when im asking one of the nederland people, why they really love bike, the answer were that simple : “..if you want to go home from a party at very late, there were no bus anymore, if you have your bike, its just easy, just go home right away.. ..” . that simple. hope this is the future of surabaya, 3-5 years ahead. saya sudah terbiasa bersepeda sejak SMA, kuliah dulu juga bawa sepeda (meski jarang dipakai, dan seringnya cuman dipakai pas sabtu minggu). kalo sekarang mah, jelas bersepeda kemana mana. ahh… the point is that clear : MARI BERSEPEDA nengg… !!!!!

pindah kos (lagi)

dikarenakan hal-hal yang tidak terduga sebelumnya yang terjadi di kosan baru yang murah tapi ternyata illegal ini, saya akhirnya pindah lagi ke kosan lama, dimana saya harus membayar 350 euro sekian, karena di kosan murah ini ternyata dia melakukan perbuatan ILLEGAL dan secara tidak langsung pun saya mendukungnya..!! OH TIDAK… dasar orang ga tau diri…! menyumpah ke landlord karena dia tidak memberi tahu saya in the first time when we met and interviewing me as a new tenant ! argh ……!!

jadi begini, setiap rumah or apartemen di belanda mempunyai peraturan yg berkaitan dengan jumlah orang yg ada di apartemen tersebut, jika ada 1 orang, maka asumsi pemerintah adalah, income dari rumah itu hanyalah 1 orang (saya ga tau lagi klo ada anak2 atau keluarga), sehingga jika hanya diketahui hanya ada 1 orang di rumah, maka dia akan mendapat subsidi sebesar sekian (kagak tau berapa), dan subsidi akan terus berkurang berbanding lurus dengan jumlah orang yg ada di rumah tersebut..

nah, dan saya disini, harusnya didaftarkan ke Gementee alias balai kota, sehingga Gementee tahu bahwa saya punya alamat baru, dan itu artinya dia akan mempunyai income baru (ada saya dan logisnya saya bayar rent kamar or something), dan dia tidak mau hal itu terjadi, dasar orang mau enaknya tok.. keputusan pun saya ambil tanpa babibu ato berbelit2, balik ke rumah lama, deurningerstraat, dan karena saya udah tau orang2 nya baik, rumahnya jelas,  saya sudah kangen si spanyol, ostrali dan kita punya tenant baru, mbak2 phd asal spanyol yg kuliah hanya disini selama 5 bulan, lalu dia balik lagi ke jerman di bulan juni..

musim spring tapi terus2 an hujan ini membuat saya serasa tambah nelongso dengan banyak nya masalah yang menimpa saya akhir2 ini… banyak lagi yg terjadi (bukan cuman kosan saja, beasiswa yg terus turun nilainya, kuliah,  teman2, dkk), sehingga saya cuman bisa bersabar dengan semua yg terjadi, meski hanya ada ayah, ibu ,mbak ira -adek kecil annisa yg belum bisa ngomong, mas irul, mas dhani, yg selalu siap mendengar kan saya  berkeluh kesah di telepon, ayah dan ibu yg selalu mendoakan saya, serta teman teman yg masih care dengan tulus nemenin saya, gak cuman sepintas lalu dengan keberadaan saya disini..

ini  semua bukan masalah sih, tetapi something yang akan membuat saya lebih dewasa, mandiri, sabar dan tahu bagaimana harus bersikap dengan orang, teman dll.. dan satu hal yang saya selalu yakini adalah bahwa Allah-lah teman sejati dalam hidup, karena saya tahu, di masa-masa sulit ini, setelah saya berdoa ,semua beban pikiran yang ada di kepala, hati, seperti langsung hilang saja… alhamdulillah ya Rabbi, fabiayyiala irabbikuma tukadziban.. hanya Engkau lah harapan hati di kala semua nya begitu menjauh dan hanya Engkau yang mendekat padaku… dan saya kangen sekali memeluk ayah & ibu.

fu*king sh*t !

today was another same day with my group for one of the course, the one that is taught by prof. muntslag and mr. katsma that ever saying : go fu*k your self .. in front of the class without the emotion of saying the word -go fuc* your self-.. dont ask how he said the words, me dont know either.. he was real funny when saying that word..

so in this group of mine, i was the mooi meisje in the group, most beautiful one, cause another member are three dutch jongens, Pier van der Graaf (Pier), Egbert van der Veen (Egbert) and Paulus Schoutsen de zwitsal (Paulus – he was wearing his zwitsal t-shirt today, jut voor me..hahahaha..) and that Nicolas Rabot – the french handsome guy that never showed up.., and…… we are up in the middle of discussion, about our view point, making the slides presentation, always laughing and talking about daily lives, one of these conversation were :

……………………………….

Paulus : “..oh god, this is fuc*ing awesome..”

Pier : “..oh cmon, i hate this fuc*ing shit ….bla bla bla”
(im not so sure what are they talking about, i was not really concentrate, busy reading and laugh to them at same time)

Egbert : “..no, thats not a real mess..” (he always polite, i think i like the way he talks, he is clever, and saya suka sama ni orangg.. hehehe, orang yg lucu, pinter, sopan susah dicari.. )

Paulus : “..yeah dude, why is that..?”

Pier : ” you know, this shi*yy- thing was happen to me, and …. blablabla..”

Egbert : “..cmon man, watch your mouth, there is a lady here…we got to say the right thing…” (smiling, but thats what  he always does ..)

Paulus : ” ..yeah man, we’ve got a girl, so be careful with your words, man…”

me : “..ohh, thats so sweet….”

Paulus : (repeating me) “..ooooohh, thats so sweet….” (with the hands in front of his chest, exactly repeating the way i did it..)

and then finally,
US : “..hahahahahahhhhh..” (we were laughing together, again…after we’ve always laughing many times before)

…………………………………..

oh guys, you dont know how f***ing awesome…!!!! all of you that i am happy those time with you.. never thought there were people that were so great treating me like this before (even after knowing me fail..), one word voor you guys : DANK JE WELL, jongens…!!! muaaachh, hahaha….

and i was thinking again,

that i have to be very wise and become optimist, and always thankful to my dear God, that i get all of my health, brain (and all the money from that scholarship), become lucky for the life being in this place, and i just dont want to ruin it, NOT IN ANY SECOND of my life in HERE… (terimakasih untuk kabar gembira dari hasil ujian yang lain, pass this one, still got to work for another two..)

ya Allahu Rabbi, terimakasih, dank je well, hartelijk bedankt voor de huidige, dat geef Je aan mij.. i cant say more enough, except of alhamdulillah… the time being was so great, and I should say I have great life and friends here.. last but not least, a kiss just voor annisa schatje… kiss you in your cheek, your forehead and kiss for your mom, and  for sure your grandma… ik mis allemaal, a lot … !

i was thinking

that i have so many friends (other) that would still recognize and notice me as a friend, not just a subtitution or babu or something else (kasar banget saya kali ini). well, semoga Allah selalu membuat saya sabar tak kurang apa, hanya Allah yang tau, semua yang saya lakukan disini, what i feel about them, what i always think about them, in my way, always to make them happy, and never think about my self first. but i do not care they will make me cry or dissapointed, or they make me feel : “you are that stupid, you shouldnt talk with me, just far  away.”

i will always try to do the best, no matter what. no matter its gonna be real hard, still i have my dear God that always listen to my every pray in every night. ya Allah jadikan aq mudah menerima semua ilmu-Mu di sini. hanya Engkau yang tahu.

hanya ayah dan ibu yang saya inginkan saat ini, memeluk mereka dan bercerita semua hal yang terjadi akhir-akhir ini. ik mis mijn moeder and vader zo much

welcome, Annisa…!

the baby was born around 1 hour ago (at 1.49 am in the morning, Jakarta, 15 february 2009). Alhamdulillah ya Allah, bayinya sehat dan cantik (kata ibu saya…wuhuuu, pasti cantik kayak tantenya !).

now, i am crying and cant stop saying ” Alhamdulillah, ya Allah betapa sayangnya dirimu kepada mbak ira… terimakasih ya Allah.. ” semoga kelak, engkau menjadi anak yang berbakti kepada ayah dan ibu, sholehah dan selalu disayang Allah beserta YangKung, Yang Uti, Tante Irma dan Om Iyung… welcome to berlian b/9, dear annisaa….! cant wait to see you in 2010…!

crowded

now, mymind is full of things, crowded. like thousand sands on the shore..
i thought that i was strong.. yes indeed i am strong, through those problems lately, with all those people, even the lecturer.. that woman (that first i thought was the teaching assisstant, but actually she is the lecturer herself, the assisstant professor, oh no.)

the one (sure) thing that i still know, that you’re keeping me down. yes, you’re keeping me down. i guess i need to taste one piece of sweet cake (of love). i guess: Falling on to you is just as natural as falling to the ground, like Gravity.

hit by a car

ja, hari ini saya tertabrak mobil, ketika kegirangan karena lulus dari salah stau course (thanks to fang and santy.. you both are angels..), saya rasa driver mobilnya gak ngeliat saya dan di prapatan deket gedung cubicus itu, saya malah mempercepat sepeda, dan dia juga gak mau ngalah, akhirnya..braaaaakkk…terjatuh lah saya yang mungil ini dan terseret sekitar 1 meter.. untung yg nyeret bukan kepala, tapi dengkul dan celana jeans yg didobel dengan longjon pemberian mbak ira tersayang..alhamdulillah biru biru nya sudah agak mendingan, semoga nanti or besok pagi gak tambah biru.. ketika akan tertabrak, saya masih sempat melihat profesor brenny yg jalan kaki ke arah cubicus, serta seorang mbak2 ducth, yg bersepeda dari arah depan (juga dari arah prof.Brenny berjalan..), setelah braakk..mereka baru berlarian nolongin saya..

pelajaran baru hari ini dalam bersepeda di belanda :

1. jangan pernah lupa berdoa sebelum berangkat (ini benar adanya, buktinya saya terlindungi dan selamat, terimakasih ya Allah..),
2. jangan pernah menyepelekan sesepi apapun per-empatan aka. cross road,
3. jangan pernah terlalu senang akan sesuatu (euforia berlebih) sehingga lupa kalo itu sedang di jalanan dan tidak aware sama yg lain,
4. perhatikan baik2 laju kendaraan anda, baik itu sepeda, sepeda motor ataupun mobil, ngebut itu memang tidak baik..

last but not least, meski ngebut dan sekaligus tertabrak, saya tetap bahagia hari ini..
terimakasih untuk ayah (yg dengan instingnya tau saja saya baru tertabrak sehingga menelepon), terimakasih untuk teman2 yg menelpon dan bertanya apakah saya baik2 saja (ja, ik ben goed !), tak lupa, dank u well ook just for ady – jasamu memang tiada tara.., semoga pahalanya berlipat ganda ya..cheers !

cubicus, 5 february 2009

to the birth, hello dear (future) baby..

the truth is, i miss you… so, mijn liefde zus…
well, saya hanya ingin berdoa untuk calon keponakan saya kelak, yang ditaksir akan dilahirkan ke dunia fana ini (wow…welcome to this “amazing” era… dear baby girl… be goede mesisje !!! ) dalam beberapa waktu mendatang. masa kelahiran mbak ira sekarang adalah 9 bulan 1 minggu, bayi normal akan lahir 9 bulan 10 hari, well around itu mungkin, wallahu Alam…saya kurang tahu dunia persalinan, mungkin kita bisa tanyakan kepada saudari emma.

and this is some note for you, from your beloved auntie far far away from your beloved Mom, that is my lovely sister (maybe someday you can read and understand this, or just simply ask your Mom to read them for you..)

assalamualaikum, hey dear baby.. (girl, that what they say, but im not sure), first thing, you’ll hear adzan and iqomah from your Dad, like mine before, in 9 january, 23 years ago.. that had done by your beloved Granpa (ya Allah, ayah akan jadi kakek, yangKung.. What A Lovely Name !), hello there dear baby.. this is me, your beloved auntie Irma writing notes just voor u.. ,
i just wanna way, be a good kid, a real good kid, boy or girl later : for my beloved sister and beloved brother in law, that would be your Mom and Dad, be the best for the good sake of  Allah SWT and yourself (and for your parents, for sure.) dont do it for the sake of anyone.
i read some books, and the books said that you’ll get two things in your life, power and the gift ( i took them from my favourite novelist, paulo coelho). power directs us towards our destiny and gift obliges us to share with others what is best in us. keep them with you and save them well. be a power (jongen or meisje) that will always makes your life a beautiful one, knew and recognize that the good things that happen in lives every day, that the sun rises, and know that you will have a beautiful day – that day, no matter what. you should be thankful for each day you’ll have.. you can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. and, it’s just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.
be goede to everyone around you, and dont treat them bad, even they do that for you, just.. dont. just be kind as much as you can, let them think you’re weak, but they dont know inside, you have a brave heart. these words maybe not really goede words, these are just the words that i could give to you from here.
im living my life for that way, and im happy for it. when im hurt, im hurt for my self, when im falling in love, im falling in love and really happy that i’ve fallen for someone, just for my self..i never happy for anyone else, im just happy for my self. its just the way becoming you, your self.

even you’re now not in this world yet, but still, i’ll say it to you.. ik hou van jou dear little baby, auntie Irma here always praying for you (gosh, im starting to cry.. but just starting not crying ,hehe).

Oh Gosh, how im missing your Mom so much, just really happy that to know that shes having you right know, and i cant wait to have mine, my dear one, just like you in the eyes of my sister, and know everybody around me waiting that i will have mine, having her – thats your Mom, my Mom (your grandma), my father – that would be your beloved yang Kung in this whole world, and mijn broeder.. also for sure with my beloved (future) husband. (im wondering whats he gonna look like..oh why this is all blur.. well, but still. we wont know what will happen to us).

it’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting. i do believe in that. i am dreaming of studying here, and know it is become true (even that the dream is not that beautiful here, i must struggle with all the limit-ness that i have, i cant manage the time that well, i’ve fail twice in exams, i’ve dissapointed one of my beloved friend, even there is someone now that dont want to talk with me anymore, not that straight, that just dont want to have an issue or have a chat with me, well, i am so sorry, i do – gomennasai, sumimasen desu, from my heart. ah, just forget it). well, for sure, i am not that perfect role and good example voor u, dear little baby.. but still, im your one and only beautiful Auntie that you have..

kisses from here mijn schatje, i’ll hope that you are as beautiful and handsome as your Mom and Dad, you have everything great and there’s nothing difficulties that will happen in your birth (in these coming days). again, i just wanna say, ik hou van jou.. i love you that much, maybe i’ll see you in the next twenty months.. maybe.

thats it for now, auntie must sleep first. got to go with her best dear pals tomorrow to Utrecht and everywhere around Netherlands. well, then see you around back in Home, meisje (or jongens) !

wassalamualaikum,
with love

-your liefde tante-